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jmmw
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Off-Topic thread for the Off-Topic forum

Post by jmmw » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:13 am

Now hopefully this thread wont be shut down because the purpose of it is to hijack, troll, forum whore, post whore, whinge, bitch, moan, comment ect on anything?

Whether or not this works i dont care cause im tired :) and if i want to make a juvinial thread i shall.

So in a effort to hopefully get at least one reply i will throw in some quotes that i like which maybe people can contribute too.

heard/read these around no idea who the authors are
When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?
I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies
Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with...

...You've changed so much. I guess that's what happens. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your life isdifferent because of me. Because mine's different. My God, you taught me so much, and now we don't even talk to each other. I guess that's what happens.

A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time,maybe too late, or maybe forever.
To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
Hope is the most exciting thing in life and if you honestly believe that love is out there, it will come. And even if it doesn't come straight away there is still that chance all through your life that it will
The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.
I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?

munchkin1981
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Post by munchkin1981 » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:17 am

hmmm some of those quotes can be so true
its soooo cold and dead tonight
ps ill be juvinelle(cant spell so shoot me) with you
It wasn't me honest.....it was the cat I'm sweet and innocent one :)

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Post by jmmw » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:19 am

YAY amanda's here, let's troll another thread!

what's the worst they can do? un-invite us to their bbq? bahaha :lol:

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Post by munchkin1981 » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:21 am

i cant go anyway i working and to far to drive
It wasn't me honest.....it was the cat I'm sweet and innocent one :)

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Post by jmmw » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:26 am

well chicky loves me too much and would rather un-invite warsug then me :)

She's got a thing for me cause i take wonderful pictures, shes even going to sell her holden and buy a ford to impress me.

How boring must monday nights be for you? surely no one needs a taxi at 3 am?
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
The Guys' Rules¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Captain James Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act l! ike nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as cricket, rugby, football, v8 supercars,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. ! Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping
Last edited by jmmw on Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by munchkin1981 » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:30 am

lol soo true
and no i havent answered a call for over 49mins according to symposium
but i should have done the dva jobs by now but so cant be bothered
It wasn't me honest.....it was the cat I'm sweet and innocent one :)

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Post by jmmw » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:34 am

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.

The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some 'actual' maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

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Post by munchkin1981 » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:37 am

lol dont make laugh it hurts
where u finding these `
It wasn't me honest.....it was the cat I'm sweet and innocent one :)

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Post by jmmw » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:39 am

mostly in emails people send me

Chicky
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Post by Chicky » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:18 am

jmmw wrote: She's got a thing for me cause i take wonderful pictures, shes even going to sell her holden and buy a ford to impress me.
Jason, you said you were tired.... I think you'll find you were in a deep sleep when you dreamt that was going to happen! :lol:
West Coast Eagles
AFL Premiers 1992, 1994 & 2006 and....... ;)
R/Up 1991 & 2005
Since 1987 and still going strong :)

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Post by jmmw » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:28 am

after you get your new ford, drive to my house and use your medical skills to fix my knee

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Post by munchkin1981 » Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:03 pm

aww is ur knee hurting? try nopt walking onit may help
It wasn't me honest.....it was the cat I'm sweet and innocent one :)

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MEN NEED TO REMEMBER

Post by munchkin1981 » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:08 pm

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes
harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are
oversensitive, and there?s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
Peggy. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to
get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income
and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started
working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home
from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest
for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don?t
yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when
she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men?s Grill at
the club so eating out is not reasonable. I?m ready for some home-cooked
grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we
finished eating. But now it?s not unusual for them to sit on the table for
several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
that they won?t clean themselves. I know she really
Appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before
she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say
that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly
bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take ?em for better or worse,
so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it outover
two or even three days. That way she won?t have to rush so much. I also
remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn?t hurt her
any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong
points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I
try not to make a scene. I?m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice,
big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.
And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one
for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy. I?m
not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.
Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody
knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism
of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider
that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth
to help each other.
Jim
EDITOR?S NOTE:
Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report says
he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf
club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a
sledge hammer laying nearby.
His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury
took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting
her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on
his golf club.
It wasn't me honest.....it was the cat I'm sweet and innocent one :)

Chicky
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Post by Chicky » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:09 pm

jmmw wrote:after you get your new ford, drive to my house and use your medical skills to fix my knee
Forget the ford, jmmw! If you pay me overtime rates, I'd be more than happy to tend to your knee on my day off :P
West Coast Eagles
AFL Premiers 1992, 1994 & 2006 and....... ;)
R/Up 1991 & 2005
Since 1987 and still going strong :)

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Post by jmmw » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:43 pm

munchkin1981 wrote:aww is ur knee hurting? try nopt walking onit may help
Yeh i tried that but i dont have time to do nothing :(
Chicky wrote:
jmmw wrote:after you get your new ford, drive to my house and use your medical skills to fix my knee
Forget the ford, jmmw! If you pay me overtime rates, I'd be more than happy to tend to your knee on my day off :P
Any excuse to try and take advantage of me eh?

shame on you

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